Why Would God Have to Send Someone to Die for You?
I don’t know if I mentioned it in the last blog post but I can be incredibly stubborn and hard-headed. Many times have I been delivered from unbelief. During another low time in my life, I was emotionally depleted and my spiritual life was really in shambles. It was affecting my career. I worked and obtained higher job titles and received promotions.
This is what I wanted right; this would make me happy.
It did not. I could no longer get along with co-workers. I quit job after job believing that I was unliked, my pay was unfair, and my presence unwanted. A lot of this was true. I experienced co-workers stealing my lunch (but who hasn’t right), being lied on, getting sick often after company potlucks or team ordered meals, I experienced vandalism to my car, discrimination, pay demotions, and was even fired after submitting two weeks notice on one job.
Maybe something was wrong with me or the “Universe” was trying to tell me something. After being unlawfully fired for the first time in the twenty years I had been working, I endeavored into entrepreneurship. I sustained myself and my family for a year with savings, credit cards, stipends, and income from the business. Entrepreneurship was great. I worked harder than I ever had.
I also had a lot more free time. Time I used to think and grow spiritually. I thought this was a good thing. At first, it was. I had time to try baking, Zumba, and read everything I could; Think and Grow Rich, Erroneous Zones. One day a voice in my head said, “How dumb is it that God would have to send someone to die for you.” “Woe,” I thought, “That is crazy.” I went on and started getting more into Abraham Hicks, an entity that embodies a woman named Esther Hicks and The Secret, and Metaphysics. I felt like I was learning new laws like gravity that had been kept a secret from me. As I pondered the teachings of Esther Hicks and studied Universal laws such as the Law of Attraction I thought, “ Yea, why would God need a middleman?”
These thoughts of unbelief became more frequent. “They ate the apple really?” I questioned. “Who did my ancestors worship before captivity?” “How could a religion that was used to keep my people in bondage be true?” It all became too much and metaphysics seemed more logical. Metaphysics and Esther’s teachings gave me the power to make things happen in my life and not wait for a “guy in the sky.”
I became grossed in metaphysics, specifically the Law of Attraction. With my business slowing down and it getting harder and harder to make ends meet I believed the Law of Attraction was the only thing that could get me what I wanted, Financial Wealth.
I tried money spells, meditation, hypnosis, and retraining my subconscious. Oh yea, I forgot to mention I started to study Wicca and get into sage and crystals. One day during meditation my inner being spoke to me, “Be careful.” I knew this meant be careful of my newfound religious practices. However, I proceeded full speed ahead. I even moved to another state believing it would be a better environment for manifestations. In this new environment, I was making a lot of extra money, I went back to being an employee and was attracting money more consistently through several different avenues. However, I experienced the most hateful acts by others. Opposition, discrimination, being lied on, being followed, almost robbed, and vandalism to my car. I also began consulting more entities.
I spent money on psychics and card readers. I began trying to consult my ancestors and deities.
I returned to my hometown hopeful but bewildered. I thought what could I have done to experience so many hateful acts by others. I believed if you keep experiencing the same problems, you have to be the common denominator. I continued meditation, working the law of attraction, and now trying to open my third eye. One night I prayed to a deity. Instantly, I was overtaken by fear and a felt a sharp piercing on the right side of my lower back. It was as if something, someone attached itself to my back and was sucking my life force energy.
From my years walking with Christ, I knew what this was. I instantly began tearing through packed boxes looking for my bible and my red book of prayers to cast down spirits in high places. To my disbelief, they were nowhere to be found. I had donated every bible, concordance, and prayer book I owned before moving. I bought into the notion that Jesus was not real but a highly evolved person who walked the earth or an event that occurred in the minds of the people to keep me from my real power.
At that moment, my inner being said, “pray.” I began praying, “Help Me!” I just used words like the Universe instead of God and definitely no Jesus. However, as I sat, terrified I realized nothing could get this blighted off my back but the word of God. I searched for dedication prayers, the one that the pastor gives at the end of church calling people to the altar to repent of their sins and believe in Jesus Christ. After a couple of minutes of praying a salvation prayer I got from the internet, the blight was removed. I had rededicated my life to Jesus Christ through the only and true living God.
I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me- John 14:6
