About four years ago I stopped believing in Jesus Christ. I was having an identity crisis of sorts. My job was going well but I could not understand how I was working so hard and excelling but not making more money. I even received two raises at my job which totaled an extra $10,000 in the span of a year and a half and I still barely classified as the middle class. According to Investopedia, a middle-class salary ranges from $40,500-$122,000. I was empty, unfulfilled, and I felt powerless. I was vulnerable and did not know it. I continued this way for several years.

Engulfing myself in decorating my home. It was technically a rental I lived in for going on five years. I built floating shelves and a modern bench to highlight my perfectly wall-hung television (this is when the trend to hang TVs and hide the cords was just becoming popular). I also pulled out every stop to meet the perfect guy. I signed up for blind dating events, Lock n Key, Speed Dating, Conversations of the Heart. I also sign up for online dating sites like Match, BlackGradDates, and EHarmony. I met one crazy guy from BlackPeopleMeet but that story is for another time.

I just so happened to meet a guy, however not from a dating event or website. I met him at one of the many community meetings required for my job. I was not as physically attracted to his outer appearance as much as I was attracted to his spiritual knowledge. He was known in the community as a believer of African Spiritualism and I was curious. I had strong doubts about Christ and would even say I no longer believed in what saved my life as a young girl, a blossoming 18-year-old hanging with the wrong crowd, or the same Jesus who delivered me from poverty and abuse. I had doubts and needed to know what he knew.

I dated this guy for a couple of weeks and realized mentally he too was consumed by fear and doubts. However, I still wanted to know what he knew. I was searching. I was getting dressed to hang out with him one night and the spirit, my inner being whispered, “Don’t sleep with him.” I had left the faith but the faith hadn’t left me. That night all of a sudden he wanted to talk about his beliefs. He even went as far as to give me a spiritual drink he said cures the blood? I drank it. Everything that could go wrong that night did.

The signs.

The restaurant didn’t have anything I thought would agree with my stomach. It was an Ethiopian restaurant and the use of varying spices usually results in me on the toilet for several hours. My clothes got soiled by a spilled drink and my spirit was screaming RUN all dinner long. But the plan had been laid. I was under attack and I was a sitting duck.

I engaged in intercourse with him that night although brief because I ended up kicking him out of my home when I noticed he removed the condom during a position change. I went on for a couple of weeks ignoring his calls.

Strange things began to happen to me. I wrecked my garage while backing up with my car door ajar, field mice, and termites entered my home costing me time and money, and I hit a deer while driving with my children in the car. All this occurred in a span of two weeks. After I hit the deer, thankfully we were not injured, my inner being reminded me of the scripture- I will never leave you or forsake you. I repented and reaffirmed my love for Christ again. After several weeks of constant and dedicated prayer, and treatments from Terminix, I felt better, delivered. Use of God’s word cleared out all the curses. However, I was still terrified of driving in the fall due to higher chances of deer encounters. I crept down rural streets I knew deer roamed barely traveling 20 mph. I also avoided driving where the accident occurred completely.

One day, several weeks later while driving around 40-45 mph in a 25 mph zone I noticed a huge, adult deer racing towards my car. My son who was only four at the time was in the backseat. I braced myself for impact believing this time we would be severely injured. I whispered, “God save my son in Jesus' name.” As if the deer hear a loud voice say turn away, running full speed, the deer changed course midstride and ran back into the wooded area. At that time, I heard- Fear not I Am with you always.

This would not be the last time my faith was restored.